What makes you mad? Can you think of a few things that just set you off? I sure can. Stepping on Legos after telling my 8 year old to put them up five times per minute. Getting the silent treatment from my 16 year old when he doesn't like the way a conversation is headed. Forgetting that my freshly painted nails aren't quite set and shoving my hand in my pocket- dreading to pull my hand back out to see the damage. Waking up from an awesome dream and realizing that it wasn't real. Waiting. Waiting is the WORST. Getting older is pretty lame too thus far in the body pain department. It seems each birthday, nature ties a bow on a brand new custom designed part of my body that says 'HA, YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THAT NOW!' . Hearing my five year old daughter tell me that my taste in clothes is "grandma-y" or that the hair style I was proud of looks "poofy" and that I must be going for the the "messy hair, don't care" look. Seriously thought I would have about ten more years before I got those comments from her.
And then of course there are the big things. Death. Poverty. War. Hate crimes. Terrorism. All kinds of injustices are out there and those set me off too. Feeling powerless is also a pretty awful feeling. When you get to thinking about it, there is actually so much negativity in the world that it can start to feel pretty overwhelming.
Quickly this can grow in to an entire state of mind- I have seen it in myself and also with many people I have worked with. I call it the state of being 'Positively Negative'. In a session, I would try to describe this as a pattern of thoughts that appear determined to turn any potentially positive scenario or experience in to a negative one- much like the "glass half empty vs. half full" approach. The difference from the glass metaphor is that a person trapped in this type of thinking often becomes so comforted with the habit of turning life towards the negative that it becomes an entire lifestyle approach.
Pervasive and stubborn, quickly a positively negative thought process can appear to be the truth and viewing a situation as positive can begin to seem naive. Cynicism becomes stronger and a whole myriad of defense mechanisms jump in to their crabby pants and join the debate going on in the brain. Isn't it gullible to think the best of people? What if you trust someone and they betray you like so and so did before? What is the point of looking at the rainbows if you're stuck standing in mud?
Well, I guess that is the question. What is the point? Is there one?
Naturally, I think there is or I wouldn't do what I do or be who I am. I think it takes bravery to be positive. It takes strength to trust someone or something. It takes determination to take control of your thoughts and force them to look at the positive things in the world. There are a lot of tools out there that can help us strengthen our minds, but here are a few to consider:
1) Argue with Yourself
Don't go with the first thought that enters your head. It probably wasn't critically thought out and was impulsive in nature. Thoughts are important and their implications are serious! Make sure you have tried to disprove a negative thought you have to make sure you are correct before you hold on to that for long. Just like voting or getting in to a relationship, you need to really understand as much as you can before you take action to make sure you are making the best choice.
2) Be Patient with Yourself
Change is hard. Really, really hard. Changing from a negative outlook to a positive one is no different and won't happen immediately. So, if you catch yourself being negative, it's okay. Don't focus on the "relapse" and instead measure your success. Did you have less negative thoughts this week than last week? HOORAH! Progress!
3) Make Yourself Compliment Someone Else
Admittedly, we live in a pretty private society, so you have to be smart about how you do this so that you are respecting people's boundaries. It can be hard to speak up to a stranger, but I promise, it is worth the process! Make sure your compliment is TRUE and genuine, or the whole practice is pointless and can actually hurt people. Did they do a great job presenting their report at work? Do they have on a nice shirt? Are they funny? The more you practice INTENTIONALLY looking for the good in others, the more you will train your mind to find the positive in life.
4) Be honest so your "Bull Crap Meter" doesn't go off
Yes, it sounds great being all positive, but of course some things truly are awful. I mentioned that earlier and I absolutely agree that negativity is founded at times. As a result, if you are not honest with yourself while you are out there in the world looking for positive and determined to be joyful, your internal thoughts will call "bull" on the whole process and you'll be worse off than when you began. It is important that you are honest with yourself when you are identifying things to focus on.
These are things that work for me, but there are many other things to try. Have you tried to get out of a negative place before? What works for you?
