'Adulting': Building a Legacy

One of the areas in my life that have been the most intimidating over the years has been facing the fact that I no longer have the ability to lean on my parents for support. While I have always been an independent spirit and often liked to tell myself that I did not really 'need' my parents, I undoubtedly used their proximity and resources to get myself out of many a pickle in my young adulthood. Somehow labeling this dependence as something else in order to not face the fact that I was not fully taking responsibility for myself, I managed to abuse their assistance without much internal conflict or feelings of guilt. In fact, I was very entitled to my ability to reach out in the darkness for my parents' hands and find them ever-willing and able to take hold and fix my mistakes- or at least make the asphalt a bit more gentle as I smacked down on to the reality of life's consequences.

It wasn't until I became a parent - actually not for several years after becoming a step-parent- that I fully stopped hiding from the relentless call of responsibility that is sometimes affectionately referred to as 'adulting'. I remember being a mouthy and bratty adolescent sitting in the back of my father's Buick Lesabre on one of the hundreds of marathon Sundays spent going from church service to church service and then waiting for what seemed like eternity in the back seat with my sister, bored to tears as my father socialized with many of his church members- and for some reason on this particular day, I felt especially entitled to my father's time and resources. I remember brazenly lecturing my father that once he had children, things stopped being about 'him' and became about his children before everything else. Somehow, my parents did not murder me, but my prophetic words wrapped around my mind like the tingling sensation in your legs after they've fallen asleep and are coming back to life-- 'it isn't about 'you' anymore Lisa.. not even a little bit. You have three children. Get over it and get to work. It's time to be a big kid now.'.

So, forever a social worker first, once resigned that there were no more 'forebearances' I could take on stepping up to the plate full-time on handling this adulthood thing, I decided to 'reframe' the process from something that was conceived of negatively towards a positive opportunity. My optimistic reframing for the task of handling things as an adult (alone with my husband and without reaching out for anyone else to shield or postpone the duty) is that I am accepting the opportunity to develop a wonderful legacy for my children and for generations that may follow in the future. A legacy of responsibility, caution, bravery, promptness, preparedness, sober rationale used to make the best decision possible in situations- a legacy of strength. With any luck, I might be able to create this legacy without sacrificing so many other principles that I also value and also want to be part of the legacy I create. That balance is something I have not mastered yet, but I feel like I'm beginning to understand more each year. So, here's to facing my stuff, with my chin stuck out and with determination in my heart!