Faking It

How do you handle your hardest moments? What do you turn to for comfort or guidance? Do you remember a time when you got past a hurdle in the past and try to duplicate the previous behaviors to see you through again? Maybe you call your closest friend and just vent until you start to see some brightness once again. But what do you do if the things that have always gotten you 'through' in the past just aren't working this time around?

Maybe you have never known that type of hollow feeling within that comes from not knowing what to do or think. If so, how wonderful! For me, however, that has not been the case. My mind is predisposed to critical thinking- which some could read 'cynical thinking'- and this leaves me questioning every piece of information I am given to some extent before deciding if I will accept this data at face value or if further review is needed. It is a sort of constant churning feeling within my brain that keeps me up many nights (such as this one, where I've struggled to sleep at all!).

This hasn't been all bad, of course. Honestly, most of the time I am thankful that God has given me the mind to be able to complete complex thought processes swiftly to assist in making the most logical choices I can that align with my personal values. Critical thinking is vital to ensure one is supporting a cause that is truly worth supporting and from mitigating risks in immeasurable ways.

So now that I have given my disclaimer regarding the merits of critical thinking, back to the difficult part. A trait that serves me well when working, this constant evaluation makes it difficult for me to take anything at "face value". If I am presented with an activity that my mind cannot identify a deeper meaning or purpose for, I am turned off instantly, aware of a dreadful feeling of wastefulness (i.e. why should I spend my time on something that has no meaning?). As a result, playing board games can't just be about the game- instead it is about the social interaction and bonding with loved ones or practicing social skills with a child I am working with. Listening to music is valuable to me because it represents the exchange of ideas or experiences from one human to another. Theater is treasured because it helps us understand feelings we have when we witnessed these 'mirrored' in captured moments on stage. A nap is valuable as it increases overall productivity and clarity of thoughts.

You get the idea.

This same process leaves me feeling jaded and isolated at times. When others around me seem content without a meaning being supplied, I am left searching internally. I have learned at those times it is usually best to attempt to assimilate as bringing up my unrest is often unsettling to others.

But I know I am not the only person who has this challenge. I meet many people that struggle with this hollow feeling after they have attempted to assimilate with others and fell short. They present during sessions with anxiety, depression, frustration, relationship issues, unrealized potential and poor self esteem, reaching out for help through therapy to help them figure out "what's wrong" with them. Most of the time, my response is to ask them why they are assuming no one else feels the same self doubt. I'm pretty sure none of us has it all figured out- a lot of us are just 'faking it 'til we make it' and hoping others approve. We see evidence of this through social phenomena such as group think, where strangers are prone to abandon their inner convictions to fit in with the crowd, encouraged by the positive feedback from those around them (i.e., if they are doing it, it must be right!)

It makes me wonder if most of us don't just try to ignore these 'dead end' thoughts because facing the unknown is just too difficult. For example, what do you do with existential questions? Does your faith satisfy all of these for you? Maybe it does. But what if it doesn't? I suppose this is the part where I am suppose to offer a suggested answer, but I think the point is that I don't have one either. I don't think we are meant to understand everything, but I admit the feeling of not knowing is 'icky' at best. It feels better to be in control, even though our logic tells us that isn't always possible. In fact, if we are honest with ourselves, we actually have very little control over anything.

I'm okay with that. It's okay when we don't have the answers and we don't know how to get ourselves out of the latest problem. It would be comforting to always have the answer, but I think in those moments, we just have to walk through that dark moment with an open heart, and allow ourselves to be lead by the only One who actually has all of the answers.

Stuck on Stickers- Free printables!

Hi again everybody! Thanks for stopping by! 

If you know me, you know I love to plan. I have always been a sucker for school supplies and right now is one of my favorite times of the year to be in stores-- back to school shopping!! I have such a hard time resisting all of the colorful office stuff. I used to always love getting ready for the new year of school and it did not stop once I entered the world of adulthood. Now I try to find ways to incorporate my love of office supplies, list making and planning in to my day to day life, and I do my best to have fun with it! 

I do not pretend to be a planner pro, because some people get SERIOUSLY  involved with this and are way more talented than I! I have a few different organizational systems I use for my day to day life, but for each one I have to have my stickers! I am stuck on stickers.. they can make any day more inspired and, for me, leads to more motivation! My favorite physical store to buy planner supplies is Michael's, and they often have excellent deals! I have had planners that I have bought off-line and have been personalized, but this year I went with the Large Happy Planner, and I am loving it! You can find the planner I am using here. I love the detachable pages and the extra large room for - you guessed it- more stickers! I debated posting some pictures of my own calendar to show an example of how I usually decorate my planner each week, but I have a lot of confidential information listed in the pages, so I can't do that. If I remember and get a blank set of days decorated, I will post it then! 

I also buy some of my stickers from Etsy.com or other stores on-line, as well as the dollar store. I don't mind if my professional work planner or my bill calendar looks like something out of the 1990's with bright juvenile colors- it is just me seeing it and it definitely brings a big smile to my face! 

What I did not discover until about two weeks ago was the wonderful world of FREE stickers that you can print for yourself at home! There are so many you can find on-line, but I want to share with y'all one of my absolute favorite designers. She has so many free and custom-sized stickers that can be used for your personal use (remember, if you try to sell them or do some sort of mass distribution, it would be copyright infringement), and I am obsessed! I use full page printable labels that you can buy at any store with office supplies or off-line as well. I have used a couple of different brands. I use my color printer and print these babies out, and then just cut them! I use just regular scissors to cut them or one of my special cutting tools, which maybe I will write a post about later  with more detail :). 

So, here it is! My favorite source for free, gorgeous, adorable stickers right now is from Victoria Thatcher. You can check out her site right here. She has an entire drive full of free, easy to download stickers that are custom sized for either Erin Condren planners or Happy Planners. Of course, you can use them for any planner you like! That just means that they are made to fit inside the cells of those two brands of planners perfectly. 

I hope you enjoy! If you do, please comment and share! 

Be well, 

Lisa

Here are some of my favorite sets I have printed! 

The Struggle is Real

Sometimes I feel like I have my life together. You know those days.. you get home from work and you don't feel completely wrecked for once. You aren't completely broke, your bills are all current, your kids are (basically) happy, you feel competent at your job and on the same page as your partner. Those days I feel like I could do anything I ever put my mind to, with just enough time afforded to me. My inner voice is telling me I could have been a lawyer, surgeon, powerful politician or famous singer if I had just chosen to focus my time on that subject instead of being a wife/mother/therapist. I'm lighter in my step and feel so strong that I am almost convinced that I'm God's gift to my family.

And then.. the opposite happens.

I wake up an hour late for my meeting and realize that my husband has done all of the parenting that morning- gotten the kids dressed, fed and off to school/daycare- while I drooled on my pillow dreaming about how awesome I am. I race to get out the door while trying to text my next client to say I am on my way but running late as I try to put my shoe on at the same time. I get down the road and run out of gas, only then realizing that I left my phone at home. I walk three blocks to a gas station and pay for an overpriced gas can and realize how totally out of shape I am as I waddle back to the car, shocked at the weight of five gallons of gas. I drive back home to get my phone and have to text my client to let them know that I will have to reschedule because I (unprofessionally) ran out of gas and text my next client that I will also be running late to see them as well. I get on the road and get a call from school reminding me that I was supposed to send my son with $10 for the book fair that day and I totally spaced that fact. I spill my drink on my clothes. I struggle through sessions searching frantically in my mind for the words to tell my client, feeling like a sham and totally incompetent. I contemplate referring my clients to other therapists just because I feel bad for them having me as their therapist. I get home and trip over a mountain of laundry by the back door and smell dinner cooking that my awesome husband is making (as he once again is basically the sole parent for my kids).

At that point, I feel like a huge burden to my family. How is it possible, I think, that I can be 33 and still not be able to get my laundry done routinely? How will my children ever grow up without needing therapy services themselves after being stuck with me as a mom? Why am I always messing up??

Today, as I sit here writing this, I have had a medium sort of day. I didn't suck today. I didn't rock. I just sort of 'was'. I met with a family who is really struggling right now and I was present enough during the session to be able to really listen. They were in that frame of mind I was describing before- really feeling horrible. Substance abuse, criminal convictions, evictions, broken relationships, and an extensive history of personal trauma weighed on this family as they tried to find something to hold on to- something to hope for and to encourage them. At that moment, with conviction, I started telling this family about the importance of perspective and challenging thoughts. I challenged them to consider how much stronger they are today than they would have been had they never been through these struggles. I suggested that having to navigate the criminal justice system had also developed so many other skills that would translate to the rest of their life. I reminded them that they appreciate their freedoms right now so much more than before their convictions because they truly knew what it was like to be behind bars, to have nothing, and to have to pay for the consequences of one's choices.

As I drove home (once again low on gas), it just hit me how hypocritical I am at times. My relationship with Christ lead me to read James 1:2-4 years ago, which taught me to '2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' I remember being a teenager and first contemplating the concept that struggles could be a good thing. In both of the scenarios I described.. the days that I feel awesome and the days that I feel awful, I am missing the point. The real growth, the true 'gold' in my life has been during the struggle. That is where I have been tested and stretched and forced to act. Those were the moments when I was able to realize what actually mattered to me and what was more or less just 'talk'.

I guess I am saying that as we all travel on the 'struggle bus' through life, we should be more appreciative of the ride. We should embrace the struggle.  When we are having an awesome day, we should be humble and remember that being so 'great' has only happened to us as a result of coming through a bunch of crap and not giving up. We should use that realization to encourage us when the crap comes piling back on us again- because we all know it will eventually. What goes up must come down, etc.

We shouldn't lie to ourselves at either point in our life, telling ourselves that we miraculously achieved some success because we are just naturally amazing or that we basically messed up all day because we are just naturally awful. Both concepts are lies, I think. We are going to have good and bad days, but what if we took a moment and were actually thankful for the bad ones? What in your life do you think you appreciate now more because you had to work for it and it was not just given to you? There are so many things that have been made richer in life because I had to work for them. For me, I am thankful for the reminder and saying a big 'thank you' for the crummy days that may come.

Think positive!
~Lisa

Family Summer Fun 2017

Hey everyone! It has been a long time since I have been able to post and I have missed it very much! Our family has been taking on a lot of new changes in the past several months, including selling our home, getting in to a new home in a completely new community, switching schools for the kids, two major surgeries, taking on driver's ed for our oldest son and working on growing my new counseling business. We are blessed and thankful for the changes we have gone through, but it has definitely been a whirlwind!

We took some time to catch our breath at the beginning of the summer and took a small vacation to a beautiful cabin in northern Indiana. Sometimes it is just fun to disconnect from media and technology and spend some time together! We played more board games than I can count, went hiking and hung out by the fire. Lots of memories were made! 

Sebastian (our oldest) has been working hard this summer on football as he is getting back in to the sport after earning the privilege of sports again through hard work at school. We are proud of him! He has been working on lifting weights and is getting super strong- and tall! He has almost caught Joe in height :). Between practices, he has been babysitting for Landon and Lydia and the kids have loved it this summer. They adore their big bubby. We have had lots of fun at our new home in Carmel, IN and we love this community. We have spent some time at festivals, swimming and enjoying the parks too. Just thought I would share some of our summer fun and say 'hi!' to everyone again! Expect more posts to come! 

Think positive!
~Lisa